a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
