return my video game
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
