i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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