So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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