my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
