She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Someone came in the potted fern
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
