before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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