and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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