You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
