I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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