please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
