My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
