So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
