Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
