Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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