The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
