she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
