youre lurking in front of me
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
