just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
