dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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