I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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