You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
