I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can't turn off my feet"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
