I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
