even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
