I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
