I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
