I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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