The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
