i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
