for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
