My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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