I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
