the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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