Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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