Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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