i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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