I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Houston, we have a blender
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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