I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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