Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
