Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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