just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There are leaves in my underwear?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
