She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
