There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
