There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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