I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
