Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
