I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
