someone threw a dead crab at me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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