He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
