So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
