Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
