hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
