i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
