Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
