I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
not ubering you a puppy
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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