i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
